It’s the holiday season and I’m sure everyone is scrambling to buy a gift for a loved one. Every time, I see these commercials advertising gifts, you see the woman getting a 24 karat diamond ring and what does the guy get? We get a damn toolbox. What is this? What am I gonna do with a damn toolbox?
I am not Bob the Builder. Men like tools and paint. Who came up with this lie? This has to rank as one of the greatest lies in the history of the world. ‘Gee, thanks babe! This is the exact paint color I was looking for!’ What am I gonna do with paint? Paint my house? I don’t want to paint my house. Guys don’t care what color their houses are. You know who DOES care? Women, that’s who cares. Women buy us paint and tools and we as men are so dumb we fall for it. Seriously, I don’t even know what color my room is and IM SITTING IN IT RIGHT NOW!
It sucks because you know women came up with the whole diamond ring thing. ‘You have to buy us a diamond ring and if you don’t we won’t be with you.’ I told a girl once that I’d never buy a diamond ring because it’s just a bunch of rich assholes exploiting poor local third world populations. Needless to say, she dumped my ass. Now, I’m a lying asshole exploiting poor girls into thinking one day I’ll buy them a diamond ring. I’m more than certain women came up with this lie about men liking tools. “Buy dad that new shovel he’s been wanting this Christmas!” I highly doubt Dad wants a shovel as his Christmas gift. Why not buy dad that new 60’’ TV? Oh, that’s right because then he won’t be fixing the roof on his day off and he’ll be watching Football on his new 60’’ TV.
I am not a carpenter. I do not know how to fix your unhinged door. In fact, I don’t even know what an unhinged door is. My door is probably unhinged RIGHT NOW. Do I care? Nope, because I have no idea what it is. So, that screwdriver you just bought me isn’t gonna do me any good because I don’t know what to do with it. How do I fix my unhinged doors? I hire someone ‘my door is unhinged, fix it, I’ll pay you’.
- December 21
- , 2010
