After going to my fair share of clubs I’ve noticed only a certain type of people go to these places. Almost every clubber falls into one of these categories (obviously there are exceptions).
*Note – After writing this, I realized there are a lot of bird references*
*Warning! If you get offended easily, get out of here*
*This does NOT include bars, only CLUBS*
Types of GIRLS at clubs
The Mother Hen – The Mother Hen is essentially the mother of a female flock. Usually, the Mother Hen is less attractive than her fellow flock members. The Mother Hen goes clubbing to essentially protect her chicks; she doesn’t even care for male companionship UNLESS she’s REALLY into the guy or something.
Cockblock Level – 8/10
The Female Cockblock – Like the Mother Hen, she is less attractive than her female flock members so she has the mentality of ‘well, if I’m not going get picked up tonight, NOONE WILL’. Perfect example…
Guy: Hey girl, want to dance
Girl: Yah, sure
F-Cockblock (to guy): Listen ASSHOLE! She’s not dancing with you!
Guy: But she just said ‘sure’
F-Cockblock (to guy): EWWW, LEAVE HER ALONE!
F-Clockblock (to girl): You don’t want to dance with THIS loser, do you?
Girl: I guess not
Cockblock Level – 10/10
The Fat Chick – Nobody knows why the fat chick is at the club, not even her own friends. The Fat Chick ALWAYS acts like she’s having a shitty time and that she was forced to come out or something. The thing that distinguishes the Mother Hen from the Fat Chick is the fact that the Fat Chick just acts as if she’s not there to get guys. TRUST ME, the fat chick is there to get some action, only problem is no one is there to give her some action. Guys usually don’t want to approach the hot girl when she’s around because they know they’re going to get cockblocked. If they’re really lucky they can convince one of their drunken friends that she’s hot.
Cockblock Level – 7/10
The Whore – Everyone knows that one girl who acts like she’s always drunk when SHE REALLY ISN’T. You know why? Because being drunk is an excuse to being a whore.
Fat Chick: OOOOOHHHHHHHH MY GOD, You slept with that guy, you are SUCH a whore.
Whore: OH MY GOD, I cannot believe I did that, I WAS SO DRUNK.
Cockblock Level – 0/10
The Hot Snob – You know that one girl in the club who isn’t talking to anyone and knows hot. You can look like Brad Pitt, be as rich as Bill Gates and you still can’t strike up a conversation with her.
Cockblock Level – 0/10 (Only because you have no chance in the first place)
The Ugly Snob – She’s the ugly girl who THINKS she’s hot because 200 dudes are hitting on her, yet she’s NOT attractive. She gets hit on because of the following reasons:
A) The city she lives in the average girl is a 5, so when the average girl is a 5, the typical 3 looks like a 7 at least. Basic mathematics.
B) The guys who hit on her are drunk, they don’t know any better or pretend they don’t.
C) She’s with a Hot Snob, so by default guys are going to be around her so she automatically thinks she’s being hit on.
D) One of the guys is taking ‘one for the team’
E) For some guys as long as you have a Vagina, you are game.
Cockblock Level – 0/10 (Only because you don’t want a chance in the first place)
The Lesbian – What are you doing here? What kind of teasing is this? You’re making out with your friend on the dance floor and expect us NOT to hit on you?!? Of course we’re going to hit on you, why would we NOT hit on you?! This is like poking a bear with a stick and thinking you’re going to walk away with your ass being in less than 5 pieces.
Cockblock Level – 9/10
The Loyal Girls – They’re legitimately there to have a good time and not in search of male ‘companionship’. George Clooney could walk up to these girls and numbers STILL wouldn’t be exchanged. These girls are actually loyal to their husbands/boyfriends/fiancés.
Cockblock Level – 10/10
The VIP Girls – These girls are being protected by like 3 dudes as if they’re Paris Hilton and her entourage. It’s because of these girls that the fights usually start.
Cockblock Level – 10/10 (You’d be lucky to leave with just a cockblock and not a swift kick in the chest)
The Cougar - She’s on the prowl for some young meat.
Cockblock Level – 7/10 (Only because every other dude is gonna try and cockblock you for some action)
COMING SOON – People at Clubs Part 2 – Males
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