I haven’t wrote one of these in two years. I personally don’t find this one funny.. oh well
How is this guy charming? Dictionary.com defines charming as “1. a man who embodies a woman’s romantic ideal.
2. a man who avidly seeks the attention and affections of women; ladies’ man.“
I constantly hear women talking about how they’re waiting for their Prince Charming. Let’s take a closer look at this loser’s movie career. He appeared in two different Disney movies. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Sleeping Beauty. I shall analyze both movies and we shall see exactly how ‘charming’ this so called Prince really is.
Snow White
Premise – It’s about some chick named Snow White. First of all, who named this chick? Hitler? The Grand Wizard of the KKK? What a racist ass name. Snow White sounds like it would be the name of an Albino pornstar. Some evil Queen had some magic mirror would ask the mirror ‘who is the fairest of them all’ and when the mirror picked Snow White, the Queen flipped shit. Leave it to a woman to find a magic mirror and worry about her looks. If a dude had found this mirror, he’d be doing all sorts of wild shit with it.
Anyway, long story short, Snow White goes to live with some midgets, which is fucking weird in its own right if you ask me. One lonely girl and seven horny midget dudes living in the woods? Seriously… no one else has cause with this? Nobody?
The Prince’s Role - Snow White passes out and along comes ‘Prince Charming’. He just happened to be riding in the woods and stumbles across a passed out girl? What is the chances of that? Seriously, this rapist was in cahoots with the evil Queen if you ask me. What does he do? He fucking rapes her that’s what. He starts making out with her WHILE she’s passed out. What do those noble dwarfs do? Nothing, they WATCH and cheer him on.
If any guy even THOUGHT this, not tried but just THOUGHT of doing such a thing, Tom Cruise would swoop down from his rope and arrest your ass Minority Report style.
Sleeping Beauty
Premise – Sleeping Beauty is in a coma and since it’s set in 1272 or whatever year it is, her parents believe the only way she can wake up is if some random guy makes out with her. The King dispatches Princes from all over the world. What kind of piece of shit father is this guy? He’s just whoring his daughter out to any pervert with a crown?
Princes were lined up for miles to get a piece of that action. I haven’t seen lines like that since 1930s footage of old Great Depression bread lines. What’s even sadder is those people waiting in the bread lines looked cleaner than these so called Princes.
The Prince’s Role – He comes outta nowhere and makes out with her. Somehow she wakes up, I don’t know I’m not a doctor but she did.
Funny thing is the guys who were waiting in line after him were PISSED. Imagine waiting in a 2 hour line and then being told to go home. Yup, I’d be pissed off too.
So how is this ‘charming’?
- December 16
- , 2010
